Songs

I’ve never really been satisfied with my songwriting.  I’ve written a few “good ones”, but only one, which I wrote during college, has really been preserved.  I wrote one for Travis’ dedication that seemed fairly good at the time, and the one I wrote for Kristi was, to say the least, incredible.  (“Show Me Jesus”, based on the idea of a little girl asking her daddy to find the picture of the Saviour in the picture Bible…)  Somewhere a year or so ago, I wrote one for church and sang it, but I have no idea of where the lyrics even are. 

I composed a tune for our wedding that I desperately hope is on a video somewhere; otherwise, it’s lost as lost can be. 

Back in 1999, or so, I wrote one that probed into church racism, called “Don’t Come Back Again”.  I think I’ve performed it twice, both times basically receiving blank stares.  Then Casting Crowns released “If We Are the Body” and the similarities were incredibly strong. 

Karma and I even co-wrote one for an Easter choir special back in the days of my Ray Boltz influence.  I was never satisfied with it, but it had a great theme.

But I see many more “failures” in my songs than I do successes. 

My melodies often seem trite and unimaginative, and I tend to reprocess chord progressions.  I don’t like that.  (It’s a favorite gripe of mine about Southern Gospel music.) 

It also frustrates me that my lyrics often seem forced and stilted.  That’s a favorite gripe of mine in regard to Christian rock. 

Thus, something like 7 or 8 years ago, I intentionally set songwriting aside.  Any “inspiration” seemed to be non-existent for several reasons, and my statement to Karma at that time was “There are plenty of good songs already written, I’ll just sing those.”

Wow.

By no means am I a good songwriter.  I do believe, however, that buried somewhere inside me is a talent that God created that I’ve wasted. 

A songwriter can become a cocky jerk.  A songwriter can also become his own worst enemy.  To write a song, thinking it’s “good”, and throw it out there to the wolves is a challenging proposition.  I don’t like to introduce a song with “I wrote this” or “God gave this to me”, because there’s an immediate patronism that happens.  I despise that patronism.  I WANT to write good songs, but I don’t want some well-meaning individual to say “that’s a great song” just because they know me.  I want my songs to stand alone. 

Many of my lyrics and tunes are lost forever.  The handwritten notes disappear all too easily, and the tunes were often only in my head.  I neglected to record them, partially because I have a thing about only performing “specially written” songs once.  However, now, I would love to play Karma’s Song from the wedding again, but I can’t…

My point?  I don’t know, but hopefully this gift isn’t dead.  I’ve considered my music to be a curse for all too long, I know.  God has dealt insistently with me about it.  I honestly fear that my talent has faded.  But talent is only a small part of success. 

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